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I want to be a cowboy, baby!- Amanda, revelling in the coolness that is Kid Rock
Whoop!- Katherine, responding to my driving
That was a long-posterior play.- Doc Ballard, commenting on "Hamlet"
I've seen people take the Tigger before.- Angie, pondering how one goes to the bathroom in Calculus
Perhaps you can offer him slices of white bread and a canteen of water.- Ian, on the potential vagabond in my neighbor's driveway
Me: I'm going to take a shower, guys. Heather Read: Okay you dirty monkey!!- in the Hotel in Paris
Napolean Fishsticks!- Heather Read, in the Hotel des Invalides in Paris
There's a neanderthal way of doing this, and there's a Jedi Knight way of doing this.- Mr. Askey, explaining how to solve a Physics problem
Spank yourself!- Ms. Statham
Have you sampled my cupcakes? Sample my cupcakes!- Kelli, at the Orchestra picnic
Leave my po' ass alone!- Carrie, in Orchestra
Me: Where's the trash sack? Tucker: Between my legs where your trash belongs!- While we were eating at Classic 50s
The Friday Night Math Club, when they saw that they squealed!- Mr. Gibson
Well hello, Mr. Fancy Pants! And Mr. Fancy Dog and Mr. Fancy Horse!- Heather Read, "talking" to a statue of one of Napolean's soldiers, and Napolean's stuffed dog and horse in the Hotel des Invalides
It's steaming! My bun is steaming!!- Katherine
If you don't have anything nice to say about anyone, come sit by me.- Heather Read
The dust mites are attacking!- Heather Read, in the band room
Thor, God of Thunder! Thor is angry at us mortals!- Heather Read, on the loud noises heard in the band room
Go dig a hole, you fool!- Katherine, in 7th grade, when I said I had to go to the bathroom
That's what Mom said when I wanted to take Jerry Lee Lewis to the Prom!- Heather Read
I'm not paying \\$hold_dollar3.00 to sit next to a Sousaphone!- Heather Bell, on how the North band is being kept in solitary confinement during their football games
We were like blowing our butts off!- Amanda, on the saxophones "performance" at a football game
Me, quoting Hole: You want a part of me? Well I'm not selling cheap, no I'm not selling cheap. Amanda: I've got money.
Yeah, I'm one weird son of a bitch.- Ian
Nope, you just can't beat the bizkit.- Amanda
Woodchips, ahhh, woodchips.- Katherine, in 8th grade, commenting on a certain someone who was marveling at a pile of woodchips
You're a strange piece of ass, Sarah!- Kelli
Lay the verbal smackdown on the fool.- Matt
Hey, I'm a walking pile of verbal shite. They use my words to keep fields fertile.- Matt
Do you not find my hippo sexy?- Amanda
You are one strange pumpkin seed.- Amanda
My computer is gay.. and it keeps hitting on me.- Amanda
Sorry, I think I spilled some sarcasm on your shoe.- Ian
My computer is running so slowly that it's going backwards.- Matt
My right eyebrow is just a bogstandard, boring thing. I think that it likes it's individuality. It thrives in such an atmosphere.- Matt
And you know when guys with nice asses wear khakis with thick belts.. You know how hot that makes them!!!! It was nice!!!- Amanda
I have finger spasms and I can't control them, somehow they affect my facial expressions.- Amanda
The third way is I love the way you make my mouth sticky!- Heather Read, improvising some beat poetry at lunch
I thought you said she burned a sequin to her navel!- Kelli, when I told her that Sylvia Plath burned a sequel to her novel
I'm going to rip your arms off and throw them in the Atlantic Ocean!- Kelli
DON'T DOUBT CORNFLAKES! They have extreme powers.- Matt, explaining that Billy Corgan really will feel the wrath if he doesn't put "With Every Light" on the new album
What do you get for the person that has everything? I know!!!!! A brain tumour!!! I'll gift wrap it in pretty teddy bear paper!- Matt
I didn't practice my trumpet. I'm going to hell.- Brittainy
All the girls think I'm funny on Friday nights!- Kelli
We could try soaking peaches in honey!- Katherine
Everybody sucked. It was like mass suck-tion.- Kristen
Now, a holiday story from Heather Read:
It was a bright day, and an even brighter night. and as I traveled home that evening from my office, I
imagined the happy faces as I served up the evening
meal that my office had syntheticaly created. It was a
wonder this ham in a can, and it was easily
microwavable. It was called, spam. I rushed in the
house and greeted my wife. Hello wife! She asked me
where the turkey I was supposed to pick up on the way
home was. I told her, I had something better than
turkey. Mongoose! She cried. Well..no..I said, But you
will be happy to find out that you won't have to cook.
She was quite excited and gave me a kiss and I gave
her back the money that she gave me to buy the turkey
with. She promptly went to the mall to buy our kids a
few more gifts. They would be quite happy. That next
morning, I let her sleep in and I began making my
meal. I butterflied the spam and stuck some fresh
pinapple in the cuts. Then I sealed them together with
peanut butter. It would truly be a good feast. One
minute in the microwave would be perfect. Everyone
arose after opening presents, happy to what they had
recieved. We said the lords prayer. And I uncovered
the spam. A gasp arose from the table. Little Timmy
snickered. Little June cried. My wife, well, lets just
say, she eventually recovered.
I don't like to speed, but I was going 80 mph.- Heather Read
It's debatable whether I'm dancing at the moment....more an extremely awkard shuffle from hell.- Matt
You're going to have to stop eating all those ding dongs in the morning!- Kelli
My name's not Pablo, it's his!!- Brittainy, when we were stalking Pablo on campus
Whoa, look at that sweater!- Katherine, shocked at some fat lady's rather pointy and three-dimensional sweater
I am the mac momma!- Carrie
My house smells like the north band room!...My mom is having fish sticks!- Brittainy
If there was a fashion hell, I would have been there long ago.- Kelli
Lets burn them all!! Lets take their processors!!- Brittainy, in response to Apple's latest piece of shit
This song makes me wanna pole dance!- Amanda
I think they'll both bring shame on your nation...Bush can kill the homos!- Matt, talking about Al Gore and George W. Bush
Kate can hit me on the back with a bass drum mallet, but it feels better than nothing.- Brian
Me: Do a little pasta dance or something. Amanda: I'm doing a sandwich dance right now.
Sing! Dance around your room, let yourself flow! Fall away to the beat! Purchase a culture club album! Dance forever!- Matt
I VISITED SARAH'S QUOTE PAGE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY COOKIE!- Matt
I prefer brothels I can molest on a daily basis.- Amanda
There's NOTHING crazy about dressing up farm animals, so lay the fuck off, Mr. "I'm Too Good For Animal Dress Up"!- Ian
You know what's crazy? Those families where the parents are midgets. but the kids are normal people. Imagine if your dad tried to punish you for, say, putting the car keys on top of the refridgerator where he couldn't reach. You'd be able to kick his ass! I wish my parents were midgets.- Ian
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